back maybe?

I'd like to think that if I returned to blogging that I'd actually do it consistently. Then I reminder how much else I have going on and laugh. Still, I think I'll give it a shot as I've found over the last six months or so how much other people's blogs have helped me. What makes a blog worth reading to you?

Thankful 6-12

Oops, forgot about this so here's some generic things I've been grateful for the last week.
6. My student loan appeal going through.
7. Getting accepted into the credential program
8. Figuring out in time that I don't want to teach
9. Free turkey
10. Cute boys even if they have to work late and you don't get to see them like planned
11. Parents who will drive two hours to bring you a couch
12. Veterans

Thankful 4

Yesterday I had to say I was thankful for insulin. It covers me when I do stupid crap. Yeah, like eat cookies.

Thankful Day 3

Yesterday I was thankful for a good friend who wouldn't let me hole up and isolate. We went to staples and watched movies.

Thankful Days 1-2

1. I'm doing the gratitude thing again, but I forgot and got a late start. On the first I'd have to say I'm grateful for the B I got on my British Literature midterm. Now I'm not freaking out so much about that class. A 'B' isn't perfect; it isn't an A. Still, I'm learning to accept doing what I can. Also, not bad for not reading everything.
2. Yesterday I was so grateful for my sponsor. She talked me through a really rough spot. I was sitting in my garage afraid to go inside for fear I would eat. I stayed on the phone with her until I could promise I wouldn't eat. Awesome sponsor.

audible

So earlier today I opened an email from amazon promising free audiobooks. It was some new feature connecting their kindle versions with audiobooks, but I finally signed up for audible.com's free 30 day trial. The reason I did it was to get JK Rowling's new book, A Casual Vacancy. I am a Harry Potter fan and even read the small book of tales from that world which Rowling published. So I was very excited for her first adult novel. I had no idea what it was about, just who wrote it. Still, it.was enough for me to sign up for.audible.  I started listening as I was making breakfast and enjoyed the great writing and powerful imagery as I weighed my yogurt and pineapple. Unfortunately, about 15 minutes into the book there was a scene where the foul language made me so uncomfortable I had to turn it off. I was by myself and know I've heard worse language in my life, but I didn't want to bring that language around me. So I turned it off. Thank you audible for me not actually buying the book. JK, you're a great writer, but I think I'll stick to your children's novels.

New Start

Earlier I wrote a bit about FA - food addicts in recovery anonymous. Well I've gone back to it. It truly may be the only solution for me. I've tried everything, even having gastric bypass surgery. It's been 2 1/2 years since my surgery. I'm still 45lbs smaller, but slowly gaining it all back. But worse, and more scary, is the diabetes. It's so out of control. I even went to the hospital last month because my blood sugar was so high. It was boring. And copays are expensive. So the next several times my blood sugar got high enough to go to the hospital, I just took care of it myself. So I've been doing FA, by doing I mean working with a sponsor, for the last two months. I've lost 11.8lbs. That's it. I'm frusttrated because I expected it to come off faster. And it probably would have if I stayed "abstinent" (I'll explain that in another post) every day. But it was maybe 1/2 of the days  that I ate right and the other half I seriously binged. But I made 3 days at one point, and I know I've made two weeks when I've done it before. Being in program for two months now is the longest I've stayed in. Maybe it's desperation.

Spring Break

I love being on spring break. I love not going to school. But why oh why am I such a procrastinator? I have a 12 page paper to write, and I haven't even begun yet. It's due in less than a week. However here is what I did do:

- go to an amazing Seder (ie Passover) dinner with my best friend and her almost entire extended family

- work and work

- clean my house

- minimalize!

- visit my parents

- run a bunch of errands I'd been putting off like getting an oil change

- visit my best friend a second time

and today I'm going to spend the day in the bay area. We'll see how it goes. It's likely to end in exstatics or tears.

while I'm at it

I figure while I'm being reflective, I'll mention the most hysterical Christmas present ever. Thank you sister for a wreath made of menstrual pads.

A month late on the reflectiveness

So most people do this sort of thing in January, but I actually didn't get reflective about 2011 until Jan 2012. So here's my year as far as I remember:

Janurary:

Lived in San Mateo. Went on the most amazing date of my life. Did 30ish days of outpatient/php at Mills Penninusla.

February:

Started residential treatment at Center for Hope of the Sierras. Started a new path on loving and taking care of myself.

March:

Continued CHS. My grandma passed away. Had my first birthday cake that I enjoyed and enjoyed keeping down.

April:

Stepped down to outpatient/php at CHS. Stayed on a bucking horse and found my confidence.

May:

Came home from CHS. Started living life at home on the road to recovery.

June:

Got job at Curves. My horse moved to a ranch 10 minutes away and I got to see him and ride him all the time.

July:

I don't remember anything particular happening this month, excepting really missing my sister, Lacey.

August:

Started back at school.

September:

Roommate drama hell.

October:

Started to relapse.Relapsed, though not as bad as before going into treatment. Car got broken into.

November:

Relapse continued. Started pulling myself out of it. Second Thanksgiving of my life away from my parents.

December:

Pulled myself out of it. Christmas.

It seems like last year was so much about my eating disorder. Next year, I want this all to be about living life!

FHE 4

Zicam! the end.
Yogurt
X the Roman numeral (I challenge you to do better)
weight
vase
umbrella

FHE 3

Pizza, Quilt, Ring, Soda, Turtles

FHE 2

So blogger would only let me add so many pics at a time and I accidentally published the post so oh well.

Fish

Geena! (me)

Hand

Ice

Jello

Key

Hand

Lips

Millicent (current roommate)

Olives

Napkin

Family Home Evening

So at FHE tonight we went on a photo scavenger hunt. We had to find things that started with letters A-Z, in order. Sooooo since I'm a dork, I'm going to post my teams pics. Also because we used my camera. And because we one for doing it the fastest; probably because I was cheap with the gas and didn't want to leave the house.

Apple Cinnammon Soy Crisps

Butter

Cake batter

Duane

Eggs

mashed sweet potatoes

So a lady from work gave me this recipe and it turned out great! I got the sweet potatoes for free and had enough to double the recipe. I only had lemon juice though, not lime. When mixing it together, it seemed like the ginger didn't need to be doubled even though I love ginger. Here's the original recipe.

MASHED SWEET POTATOES WITH GINGER

2-3 large sweet potatoes 2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice

1/3 cup fresh cilantro, chopped pinch of salt

Bake sweet potatoes in 400-degree oven until done. Allow to cool enough to handle. Peel and mash with remaining ingredients.

Will post pic soon.

Thankful 24-26

Going to finish the month!

24. Thankful for Thanksgiving! Especially for having family so close, so I'm not alone.

25. Thankful for the first weekend completely off in like 6 months.

26. Thankful for the sister missionaries who totally made my day.

Thankful 21-23

21. I'm thankful for martial arts. Even though I don't get to train at a dojo right now, I still love it. I'm grateful for the chance to train on Monday.

22. I'm thankful for my family's sense of humor. They sometimes have a dirty sense of humor, but it's good to see when it's between husband and wife and their 12 year old goes "Mom!!!" Appreciate it kid. Don't think about it, but appreciate it. Also, when I say that enough is enough, they stop. Well at least the ones I was around Tuesday do.

23. I'm grateful for my math teachers in high school. I walked into a math test today totally unprepared. There were parts that yeah I had no freaking clue, but there were parts that I knew because of good high school math teachers. So even though I know I didn't do well, at least I was able to do something! (when I say unprepared, I mean I went to two classes this entire unit)

Thankful 20

I'm thankful for modern pharmaceuticals. I know there was a time when I would have been considered possessed or something for my sometimes wild mood swings. My meds don't work perfectly, but none ever will. I'm just glad to have found a combination that works well for me.

Thankful 16-19

16. I'm thankful for what health I do have. I can go 2 miles in under 30 minutes. I can breathe. There are meds available to help keep my moods stable. I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE INSULIN ANYMORE!

17. I am thankful for little kids that make me smile and realize what life is really about. I love working childcare at a local church while they have mom's club. I'm even grateful for sore abs after sitting up and being piled/pushed down by little hands over and over and over. My abs stopped long before their giggles.

18. I'm thankful for courageous special needs people. When a guy who has some mental challenges got up tonight at the talent show during thanksgiving dinner, he sang is heart out. Musically, it was not awesome. However, it was inspiring to see him fight his fear and for everyone to cheer and clap along. Not one person (in my hearing anyway) laughed.

19. I am so thankful my best friend now only lives 2 hours away instead of 2 states!

confession

Ok, so I realized how much I miss my mom when she's gone. My mom is a nurse and when it comes to medical things, I pretty much always turn to her for advice. Today I kept hitting snooze which is quite usual and then my alarm that is on my bookcase went off. I put it on my bookcase specifically so I have to get out of bed to reach it with the intent of not returning to bed. However, I remember turning it off, seeing stars, and then waking up on the floor 5 hours later. This is obviously not normal. I don't know if I passed out or not. It's been like 7 or 8 years since I last passed out I think. I've come close before, but those always had warnings. I woke up really hungry, but my blood sugar was normal. See this is the point when I call my mom and ask if I should go to the dr or not. But she's on a plane to Florida about to get on a cruise ship to celebrate 25 years of marriage. Nope, not going to spoil that. So, not quite sure what to do. Ignore it or go to the doc?