Thursday, July 28, 2011

but my butt is not round

I am wearing a dress. This is perhaps less out of the norm for me than I would have considered it in the past, but it is still novel. I have ventured so far as to wear a sleeveless dress that comes to the tops of my knees out in public. This dress however is not something I plan to ever wear in public. I wore it today with skinny jeans, but it is hot inside so I ditched the jeans (and the bra) several hours ago. There is something that just makes me feel good about wearing a dress that shows off my arms comes only to mid-thigh. It makes me want to buy one of those sexy silk and lace numbers and crank up the Shakira to dance to. However, it would be much more fun to dance for/with someone in that instance, so I'll save the money lol. Maybe I'll just buy a sporty nightgown instead of always wearing my baggy t-shirts and gym shorts. Perhaps it's time for me to get rid of the t-shirts from 50lbs ago and embrace sleepwear that fits.

So I titled this post "buy my butt is not round" because I just finished a book (I love school break) called "The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things". It's definitely a young adult novel that I would have enjoyed more in middle school, but I was hooked after the opening scene where she's making out with a boy named Froggy. There were some things that really disturbed me while reading this book. The way the mother constantly harped at her daughter's eating habits, her subsequent crash dieting attempt and its support from both parents, made me want to throw the book at my own to well-meaning parents and say "See! This does not help!" Mostly though, were the parts where the main character, Virginia, discovers one of the "popular" girls throwing up in the bathroom. It's a relatively minor part of the book, but I wanted to rant about it. It was obvious to Virginia that this girl was throwing up on a regular basis. The girl was looking more and more ill and nearly passed out in gym. I wanted to shout, "Get her help! Say something!" I remember those times wondering if I got caught, but assuming no one noticed just because no one ever said anything. No one ever said anything in high school. I reached out for help once, but it was shunted aside. There have been times in college where I've been throwing up and not even bothering to hide it when people came in restroom. I'd be washing my hands with them at the sink after leaving the stall, and you know what, not once, ever has a single person ever said anything. Not one referral to the counselor's office, not one supportive comment of "you're not alone" or "you so don't need that" (not like expected that), not even a comment of "use a different bathroom if you're going to be that loud" (which I half expected, but I would have been late for class). So my hope is that someone, somewhere will have the courage to tell the next girl they catch throwing up in the bathroom that it's ok. They are not alone. Or even meet them in the eyes for crying out loud!
My butt is not round. My friend whom I haven't seen in 3 years was kind enough to point out that even though I've lost weight my butt is as flat as ever. Thanks (not). I don't hate my butt though. I've made peace with it. It supports me as I sit. I even miss a bit of the cushion, but I no longer hate it. I don't love it yet, but hopefully someday I'll get there. So thanks butt, for sticking out this journey with me.

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