Sunday, August 1, 2010

Day 12 - weigh in

So I just weighed and it was 193.6!
At first I didn't know how to feel. The first things coming were negative feelings:
1. I lost some weight so now I can eat.
2. I'm about the same as I was when I came home from NAF
3. That's a 7.5 lbs weight loss; I've been in program for almost a month; shouldn't it be more? I mean the first time I tried program four years ago I lost like 15lbs the first month.
4. It's because I haven't been exercising my but off isn't it. I need to exercise more and go crazy with it (very bad thoughts for me, have injured myself over this many times)
5. Yay, I'm loosing weight, thus I should be getting on the scale every day to see my weight loss (no! don't want scale obsession again)
6. What is my sponsor thinking having me eat so much food

Some were positive:
1. OK, it's just a number I should be cautious of because of health implications
2. I trust my sponsor and this program that I am loosing at the right rate for my body
4 and this one took me a while to realize, I'M FINALLY IN ONEDERLAND! (lol for those of you who don't know, "one"derland means under 200 lbs)
5. It's just a number, and a bad measuring number at that. Body fat % and blood sugar and A1c are all better indicators of how my health is doing.
6. Even my BMI is a better indicator and that is now 32.2 which is MUCH better than 40 which was my top weight

Not sure if negative or positive:
1. Relief that I have lost weight before my next surgeons visit. In fact, my last two visits I rescheduled and postponed because I was afraid of disappointment that I hadn't lost any weight. Nervous that it still won't be progress enough for the NP who does my 6 month consult.

Note to self:
I do NOT want to feed into scale obsession. I will turn around on scales at my doctors visits this month to avoid weighing myself until September 1st.

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