Anyway, today was a challenging day. It was an abstinent day mashallah but almost wasn't. I think I am better understanding what people mean when they say you can hold onto the food for a while without program but you can't work your program and not do the food. I didn't make a single phone call today and I missed my phone meeting too. I felt very self-isolating today. That's not good because it's those kind of behaviors that feed into my addiction. As we say at every meeting, addiction is a disease of isolation.
Tomorrow I need to talk to my sponsor about this.
Oh, and my quiet time was cut short and not very quiet this morning.
Things I really wanted to eat over today:
1. Knowing I got a really bad score on my physics test (prof said the highest score was a 74 and only 7 people scored above 60)
2. Stressing about the extra credit quiz to add points to said physics test
3. Not getting to wear a headscarf because I was turning in applications
4. The cost of food and buying food I've never cooked before
5. doing all this work, including cleaning the toilet, for people that never showed up (this was a big one and gave me flashbacks to childhood birthday parties)
6. Having 5 chapters to read of my massive textbook for my communications exam tomorrow
7. stress about having an exam tomorrow
8. being blocked in by another car and having to take 10 minutes to get out of my parking spot (nearly cried in frustration and was 10 minutes late to work)
9. realizing that I'm almost out of gas and out of money
10. still waiting on my late paycheck
Only by the grace of God did I not eat today.
Today I am thankful for:
1. another abstinent day
2. my wonderful sister calling me
3. getting some food money from mom
4. my strong test scores from the first half of the physics term
5. running into Sister Starky at the grocery store and maybe having a new pickup job